The Perfect Job - Maybe

Below is a current listing from an outdoor industry company's website (seriously).

If you can translate this (or come close to understanding even half of it), it may be the perfect job for you.

Job Description:
Responsibilites:
The incumbent will play two key leadership roles – one vertical (primary--category specific) and one horizontal (secondary--cross-category). The Manager will own consumer understanding/segmentation, drive the development of global brand building programs for their respective category, be the key point of contact globally on category specific marketing strategies and programs and lead key cross category marketing programs to build the overall (company name) brand. Global Brand Strategy & Programs-Lead development and implementation of key global strategic initiatives and tactics. Partner with product teams to align against overall business unit needs. Work with regional marketing teams to share best practices and implement key initiatives. Play a lead role in driving alignment and deployment of agreed category strategies and initiatives to regional marketing counterparts. Manage global team sponsorships. Act as the expert resource to regional marketing teams on key fundamental brand building programs. Lead OP global values outreach programs. Consumer & Category Understanding-Build consumer and market insights that will guide category strategy development. Strengthen and integrate outdoor consumer understanding within organization and business planning/Go-to-market process. Identify and lead category research needs to strengthen consumer understanding and identify business building insights and opportunities. Analyze key market and category trends to identify business building opportunities. Seasonal Planning & Go-to-Market - Lead development of global seasonal marketing communication programs from trade to consumer, partnering with product teams, regional and trade marketing, to align against global and regional needs. Establish and lead global cross-functional team for integrated go-to-market approach.